Holding on and Letting go
by smelly roses
Summary: Cho comes back from her 5th year and must face her grief of losing Cedric. Just when she begins to heal, a surprise twist changes everything, and she's left with the biggest decision of her life.


Chapter One  
  
-Author's Note- I obviously do now own any of these characters. This is set right after the fourth book, and I know Cho didn't really turn out like this, but I like her better this way even if it is a little cheesy. Or a lot cheesy. This is my first attempt at a romanticey (no, that's not a word) story, so bear with me. Finding the right mix of sincerity and corniness isn't easy! At least not for me. So any criticism, constructive preferably, is welcome. Hope you enjoy!   
  
Cho stared up gloomily at the familiar Hogwarts Express. Students talked happily around her, and the sun reflected cheerily off the silver metal of the train. Such surroundings gave no clue of the tragic events of the previous year, yet that's all Cho was thinking about. She saw the Hogwarts Express as a menacing slave-train taking her unwillingly and painfully back to the memory of Cedric Diggory. She knew that once she got to Hogwarts, Cedric would haunt every door way, every bench, every breath she took, as if he didn't haunt her enough already. The whole summer, she had felt numb, and she knew once she got to Hogwarts, reality would hit. Every time she had gotten an owl, she half expected to see Cedric's neat print on the envelope, with a compassionate letter inside. But no letter ever came. She half expected to see Cedric running up to her then, grinning from ear to ear, and suffocating her in a warm embrace. He would pick her up and twirl her around, expressing how deeply he'd missed her, and they'd laugh, his laugh music to her ears. Then his sparkling blue eyes would become serious, like they did whenever he was deep in thought, and he'd brush the stray hair off her face gingerly, and suddenly their lips would -"No!" Cho stopped herself in the middle of her fantasy, "No, that will not happen, Cedric is DEAD, you will NEVER see him ever again." Cho had told herself this countless times before, and shaking her head wearily, wondered if she'd ever believe it.  
  
A familiar aching took over her, one of great loss and regret. Cho was convinced that Cedric's death would have been easier to bear if she had told Cedric how much he meant to her, how much she loved him. But she never had. Not once, and Cedric died probably thinking the love was one-sided, for he had told her how much he loved her. Cho remembered the night perfectly.  
  
It was the night of the Yule Ball; they had been dating for a while. Getting to know Cedric was an adventure, and it got better every day. Cho had been so nervous, she'd taken all day to get ready for the event. She wore a silk, flowy blue dress that trailed the floor gracefully. Her hair was fixed in an elegant bun with pieces of hair falling down in soft curls. (She'd had Katie and Jen help with that) With a quick spell, her make-up was done perfectly, yet she still added a bit there and took away some here in her nervousness. Half of her day was spent sitting and trying to calm herself. When the time finally came, Cho's legs felt like rubber and she found it hard to walk out of the common room where she was to meet Cedric.  
  
"Don't be so nervous, Cho." Katie had said, squeezing her hand in an effort to calm her. Her blue eyes looked wide, then again they always did. She was wearing a similar pink dress and her short blonde hair was pinned up with rhinestone barrettes. Katie was going to the Yule ball with Dave, a fellow Ravenclaw. He was a chaser on the house team. All of a sudden, Cho was thinking of Quidditch, and she smiled. She was planning on trying out for the team, her father had spent many hours practicing with her in the yard throwing golf balls that she would dive to catch in preparation for her desired position, seeker. She smiled again thinking of the times Cedric had helped her practice... the Quidditch Pitch happened to be where they'd shared their first kiss.  
  
Before Cho knew it, she was in face to face with Cedric. He stood there, waiting, a pleasant look of anticipation on his face, and instantly her fears evaporated and she smiled in relief. This was Cedric, there wasn't any reason to be nervous. He wore a genuine look of surprise and walked over to her quickly. He seemed speechless at first, sort of mumbling before making a complete sentence. "Wow, uh, Cho, you look... wow."  
  
"You don't look so bad yourself, Mr. Diggory." He gave a crooked grin and held out an arm, which she took. Arm in arm, they made their way to the ball... the perfect night, with the perfect person.  
  
Cho felt like a princess being introduced with Cedric and the rest of the Champions of the Triwizard Tournament at dinner. There were many whispers about Krum's date... it was a very new and improved Hermione. She was sure to compliment her. "Why don't you do your hair like that all the time?" She asked, admiring her silky, shining hair replacing her usual frizz.  
  
"Oh, its way too much trouble to do every day. But thank you."  
  
After dinner, Dumbledore waved his hand, and all of the tables were cleared off of the floor. The Weird Sisters entered, and the dance began.  
  
Cho could have stayed forever, dancing there in Cedric's arms. She looked up at him, and wondered how she ever lived without him. On a slow dance, she looked over Cedric's shoulder (Which smelled slightly of the cologne she'd given him for his birthday) and saw Harry sitting with Ron with two very unhappy looking girls. The whole lot looked rather sulky. She felt a little pang of guilt; they had shared an awkward moment when Harry had asked her to the Yule Ball. She liked Harry, she really did, but any feelings for him were long forgotten with Cedric. The Weird Sisters started up on a fast song, and Cedric looked at her mischievously. Reading his mind, Cho groaned, "Oh no you don't!" He had threatened to "bust out his moves" earlier that night. And suddenly, he did. It was a pretty sad site, he wasn't really dancing, it was more of random movements. When he threw in the disco point, Cho couldn't contain herself. She burst out laughing, and before she knew it, she was dancing with him, not caring what anybody else thought. How she missed that feeling of recklessness and perfect harmony and happiness, that feeling she had every time she looked at Cedric. After the song, a sweaty Cho shook her head and giggled. "You're crazy, you know that?"  
  
"You know they're all jealous of our moves." He smiled boyishly. "Maybe if I'd had you dancing at the first task, that dragon would have been so stunned he would have joined you on the spot."  
  
"Yeah, and maybe you wouldn't have almost gotten killed." She frowned. The picture of Cedric barely dodging the flames of fire still scared her. The thought of anything happening to him scared her, scared the hell out of her. But she wasn't about to let him know that.  
  
"Hey, I planned that whole thing. I just wanted to make it a little more... interesting." He joked.  
  
"Right. I know," she played along, "I was just worried about you scaring people. Because you know, that really did scare some people." Like me, she thought looking up at him.  
  
"Well, for whoever it scared, I apologize," he said looking down at her and smiling weakly. Of course he knew exactly what she'd meant. He always knew, could always see right through her.  
  
Another slow song began, and Cho moved towards him, but he took her hands in his and whispered in her ear, "Let's go outside."  
  
They made their way out to the gardens, passing many couples on the benches. It took a while, but they finally found a vacant spot where they sat. Cho sat back in Cedric's arms, and the world made sense. Whenever she had a problem or was upset, that was the first place she went - into his arms. It was like they were a shield from anything the world could throw at her and nothing could harm her. They sat for a long time admiring the stars. Finally, Cedric said, "Cho, you're amazing."  
  
"I'm amazing? I think that's you."  
  
Cedric just smiled and shook his head. He brushed his thumb gently across her lips, and she shivered, she couldn't help it. There it was again, that feeling...  
  
Cedric continued. "You know, when I'm with you, it just feels right. I know it sounds stupid, but I don't know how else to say it, so I'm just gonna say it." Cedric pulled the hair of her face softly and whispered in her ear, "Cho Chang, I feel more strongly about you than anything or anyone."  
  
"Even more than Quidditch?" Cho giggled.  
  
"Well...." He joked, pretending to be deep in thought. Cho did her best to look offended, trying so hard not to laugh. They sat like that for a few precious moments, staring into each other's eyes and listening to the other breathe.  
  
"Cho?" Cedric started, breaking the silence.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"I love you." He bent down and kissed her softly, right there under the stars. They had kissed before, more seriously than this, yet this kiss in its simplicity was like no other. Cho closed her eyes and laid her head against his neck. It was the perfect moment. She thought it was enough.  
  
"It wasn't." Cho said, back in reality from the memory, "What was missing was me telling him how much I loved him. That was my que! Now he'll never know... he never knew... "  
  
Cho awoke with a start. She sat up quickly in her bed and looked around the silent Ravenclaw dorm. The other girls were sleeping soundly, the only sound was Megan's snoring. Megan had a big mouth, in sleep and while awake. Cho had to listen to her whisper about Cedric, Harry, Lord Voldermort, and the whole Triwizard Tournament every night with her other gossipy friends. She'd had to pretend to be asleep until they finally shut up, and had eventually fallen into a deep sleep. Why had she woken up? The night wind blew through the window. Shivering, she got up and walked across the room and closed it. She sat down softly on her bed and tried to remember... then she looked at the picture of Cedric's smiling face by her bedside. Of course... the dreams... Since Cedric's death, Cho had had constant dreams... nightmares... Cho sighed. She couldn't escape Cedric, not even in her dreams, and as she touched the picture gingerly, she knew she didn't want to. She lay back down, but she knew that sleep wouldn't come again, not tonight. It never did after that reoccurring dream. Cho wrapped her blanket around her, got up, and walked over to her trunk at the end of her bed. She took off the chain around her neck from under her night shirt, a opened its top drawer.... which was full of unopened letters from the summer. Cho hadn't even bothered to look at them. She flipped through them slowly, only a few had return addresses. "Katie Swenathen" many read. They had been the best of friends before... before this year. There was even one where "Harry Potter" could be seen on the top left corner of the envelope. Cho's heart seemed to stop as she saw one particular letter... "Mr. and Mrs. Diggory". Curiosity almost got the better of her, and she started to open it. But she quickly stopped herself and dropped it as if it were a poisonous snake and put all of the letters away. She didn't want to know what they said. The only thing that she knew was that there were no letters from Cedric among them. If she had looked more closely, she would have seen a small, anonymous package in the corner, waiting. But Cho walked back over to her bed, oblivious, and sat down once more. She sighed again in exasperation and touched the picture again. "I can live without you, you know." she said aloud to the deceased boy, "I don't need you."  
  
"Yeah, right." She imagined him mocking her. Her silence signaled her defeat. She lay back down for what seemed like hours, time stood still. Finally, sleep came...  
  
-Author's Note- Congratulations if you survived through the first chapter. I know she's a little mopey (another not real word) right now. Don't worry, it gets better. I hope. 


End file.
